The first thing that comes into my mind when I see raindrops, is the look I saw in your eyes when you left me for another man.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, just after our Filipino class. You came at my desk, looking pale and uneasy
“We need to talk,” you said in your normal voice. I didn’t suspect anything wrong at first. I even happily made joke about you when you didn’t answered the questions our teacher had given you. But when we sat down inside the shades of the mango tree, things began to turn out bad.
“Hey, why are you crying? I-I-I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings with that joke,” I said politely, because I became stressed at that time. I never saw you cry like that. Then you suddenly dropped the words I am not expecting to hear from you.
“Let’s end this,” you said. Then tears again rolled down from your eyes, like it isn’t stopping. From that moment, I knew what is happening. My girlfriend for 4 years is now wanting our relationship to end.
“I am sorry but, it’s like we are going nowhere. This is going nowhere. And I don’t want to fool you for the next years that we will be together,” you added, still sobbing. Honestly, I am doubting to ask you about something that time, but my emotions are already fired up at that time.
“Are you seeing anyone besides me?” I asked. I dropped it. But you weren’t ready to pick it up. But after a few seconds, I saw a nod.
At first I thought you just flipped your hair because of the windy air, but no. That nod meant ‘yes’. Suddenly I bursted into tears. I cursed while crying. I cursed at you, I cursed at the guy you are seeing, I cursed the world for being a dick, even destiny. For that, I am sorry. A few seconds later, I gained control over my emotions. I stopped crying.
“Well, I guess it ends here,” I said like nothing happened. “Well, good luck with your life with him, may he take care of you well and may you find the things I don’t have on him so you won’t be running back to me — oh hell what am I saying? Just, just good luck. I gotta go,” I ended.
Honestly after my emotional breakdown, I lost my capacity to care for you because technically, he must be the one doing the job by that time, but you know the rules in breaking-up: you must pass the baton by ending with an obligatory yet ‘warm’ speech of ‘good luck’.
As I was ready to leave, I forgot to give you something. “Hey, before I leave, take this.”
“W-w-what’s this?” you asked.
“Oh, nothing. Just read it. I gotta go,” I said, then ran like the wind, and disappeared, just like what will happen to me in your memories.
And like the raindrops, those memories will evaporate in the skies, and will be again a part of the water cycle of sadness, and will, again, make me remember of that day when you broke-up with me.